BlabberMouse

Before I Go To Work ...

The November issue of Her Nashville is in THE PINK BINS(!)

Blessings in disguise, I believe the theme is. And just to confirm for the Melissas who have asked ... it is not a Christian magazine. (Not that there's anything WRONG with Christian periodicals). I know it has the word INSPIRING (okay, and this month, Blessings) on the cover, but it's okay. I promise. Do not be frightened. There's plenty in there for heathens every month! For example, I mention underwear in my column AGAIN (WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?). You can read the whole magazine here. And my column here.

Must go deal with four-foot-tall client who has declared himself One of The Smartest Men in the Business. You'd think if he were one of the smartest men in the business, he'd be smart enough to KEEP THAT SHIT TO HIMSELF.

But no.

Big Fat Hairy Deal

You know you've probably taken the whole "short hair" thing too far when a man walks into the salon with his son, who is crying, and says (pointing at you), "Look! That boy is getting his hair cut, and he's not crying."

AWESOME.

I now present computer-camera screen shots from:

Extreme Hair Makeover: Bed Head Edition

Extreme Hair Makeover: Elf Edition
(Anyone know where I can get a nice pair of prosthetic ears?)

I don't actually have a wonky front tooth, but for some reason (lip gloss?) it is reflecting off my bottom lip in the above picture and looks like a crazy elf fang. (Lock up your fruitcakes.)

Extreme Hair Makeover: Rosemary's Baby-Meets-Alfalfa From Little Rascals Edition

Turns out I have a wicked cowlick. So, no matter how much product I slap on my head and no matter how many times I shout "AT EASE", the hairs continue to stand at attention along my part.

These are all the same haircut, by the way. Just styled differently ... or in the first picture not styled at all. Compliments received thus far have ranged from "Wow, you cut your hair" to "You still look pretty (regardless of the follicular tragedy that has been visited upon your scalp)" to "Why?"

Several people expressed deep concern over how Larry would "cope" with my new haircut. He is fine. We're giving him lots of fluids, and the counselor comes twice a week to help him work through his grief. He's spending time with friends, playing his guitar, trying to keep his mind on the happy times  ...

SERIOUSLY, though. I have to say this:

I could never be with a man who is obsessed with women having to have long hair. To me, that is a big fat relationship red flag, and I would advise my friends to RUN, RUN, RUN from such a person. Unless the woman-half of the couple is equally obsessed with women HAVING to have long hair, in which case it's a match made in the shallow end of heaven. (Dive in at your own risk.)

Just my opinion.

And for the record, Larry voted for this haircut. Some of you might have seen the sign in the yard. (THE CHANGE WE NEED; THE CHANGE THE BATHROOM FLOOR NEEDS.)

And, regardless of its elfin goofiness (or maybe because of it), short hair happens to feel more me to me, which may come as a surprise to some people. Every time I looked in the mirror or saw a picture of myself with long hair, it just looked OFF, somehow. Like a phantom limb or something. Or a non-phantom limb, I guess it would be.

So as not to alarm Gus, who keeps pointing to women with waist-long hair and saying "You would look pretty in THAT haircut," I've been sloooooooowly inching my way toward this haircut for almost a year.

I took Gus with me to get this last cut, and on the way out he said (with a really eerie smile plastered across his face) "It looks good JUST the way it is!"

I think that's code for "enough is enough."

Where Have I Been?

Here, for starters.

Hard to believe this place is only 90 minutes from our house. It felt like we were half-way across the country, which of course was the whole idea.

Center Hill Lake (Edgar Evins State Park)

Burgess Falls--Up here is where we started our hike down the rocks, carrying Patrick the Tank Engine the whole way down ... and up. (A-to-the-Ouch)

 

This picture doesn't do justice to the scale of this waterfall. Neither did my camera battery, which crapped out the second I finished taking this shot.

No one actually caught a fish; perhaps due to Gus and his Incredible Talking Mouth. After much shushing of said mouth, Gus finally clenched his fists and yelled, "I HAVE A LOUD VOICE. I CAN'T HELP IT! THAT'S JUST HOW GOD MADE ME!"

Indeed.

And we had fun.

The End.

Actually, that was just the beginning of the week ...

Give it Away, Give it Away, Give it Away Now!

I've been FLOODED with inquiries about whether you can still donate to my Donors Choose Challenge. Okay, maybe not flooded. But Larry's mom did call tonight to ask if it was too late to donate, and the answer is NO! Of course it's not too late! The challenge goes through the end of October, and we still have two awesome projects left to fund. So PLEASE, if you're hemming or hawing or, God forbid, hemming AND hawing, please (!) just cruise on over and give a little bitty donation for little old Blabbermouse! The awesome folks at Donors Choose gave me a nice little writeup today on their blog--so let's make it worth their time, shall we?

This is an awesome charity with no skeevey dark side. One of my very best friends from childhood is the executive director, and I can assure you, she would allow absolutely no skeevatude to take place on her watch. This is a girl who keeps everything so neat and RIGHT that she was horrified and speechless when I creased the spine of one of her Sweet Valley High books in 7th grade. I still feel like shit about it.

Five dollars. That's all I ask. It will make me feel less guilty about the book.

Okay. If this doesn't convince you, I don't know WHAT will:

The first person to donate $5 or more (and send me an email with "Sweet Valley High" in the subject line) will win a Blabbermouse-inscribed copy of Sweet Valley High Double Trouble which is a FREAKIN' MASTERPIECE (don't deny it), in honor of my friend Katie and all the students who need your help!!!

Ahh. Schleppervescence!

Regardless of whether or not you're Jewish, or whom you'll be voting for on Election Day, I think (I hope) you'll find this video as hilarious as I do.

If you're watching it at your place of work, you might want to be careful. The language is over-the-top. (If you're watching at my place of work, no worries. Your employer has heard much worse. His office is right by mine.)